I’m firm in this life that it does not want to go ahead, I feel myself to drag from its continuous movement, the time slips go, carrying behind of himself memories, pieces of passed life; I have arrived until here and now I wonder where I’am…
The life is with of the memories, but to times I wonder because it remains always therefore little of those moments that have contributed to create my past and my life.

The feeling is that one of living suspended, caught, in a crystal ball, from which I do not succeed to exit and I feel that sooner or later I will have to break off it in order to outside come some; but outside from what, from my life, or my past? The past what ‘s? My life where’s?

I dont’ have many memories of my infancy, I don’t know if I were a happy child or if instead I were silente and sad, the truth could perhaps help to understand me because they have become the woman who today is. Memory little of my infancy, indeed nearly nothing, not memory the kisses of the goodnight of my parents, not memory no fable, not memory, no birthday, I don’t have memories; why?

Perhaps he is also normal to 39 years not to have these memories, but I have not never had any, I am like if my infancy it you had not never lived like I would have had…

Perhaps my memories go back to when I had 13 14 years, first cooked, my per diem ones, always have been fascinated from want to write my thoughts on a diary for diem one, hoped therefore a day that someone reading them, would be shrewed of my suffering, mine overed-measure need of love; never satisfied, I was made thirsty of affection, kisses, coccole and this has made me more and more to convince of being born for mistake…

An error, not a desire, nevertheless my parents had entrusted themselves to the prayers of someone over of we in order satisfying desire to see to be born one daughter female….

If they had known that instead a child would be been born who from large would have only created suffering in their hearts, not creed that they would have a lot prayed in order makes me to be born.

To times I wonder the sense of my life, still today to the threshold of the 40 years, I still feel a child that she has only need of being loved and protect, always are entrusted me to someone in order to fill up this empty one, but remaining always single and deprived of hope and without love, without that love that a lot I wished.

My life always has been from lived me like if tomorrow it did not exist, was always said, tomorrow is an other day, counts alone, today the present; but how much I mistook myself, today I have understood that it must living in the present but thinking next to the future; I this have understood too much late and today meeting to it to make the accounts me with my errors, with my superficialità.

Living every day with this knowledge I have not made other that to create problems on problems, the moneies have always had little importance for me, here because I have not never thought to put some from part, indeed I consumed them many times acquiring useless objects that servivono to only fill up for a moment the sense of empty that I tried within my heart… An empty one that never nobody is successful to fill up, then to May of the slid year, I have believed to have found the man finally that I had always attended, a kind person, a man who called me “prince” and that for a moment it had made to believe me indeed of being in love of me….

But once again, the choice has been mistaken, after to have let go the job and the family in order to follow my prince, me they are shrewed that it was only a bluff, he was only full of debits and perhaps it had made confidence on my liquidation in order to satisfy its problems momentarily….

They are deceived to me, and today I find to living an incubus, I have chosen to leave it November and still today I ask myself if it has been the just choice, still I do not succeed to watch within and reading my feelings to me for this man who has put to me on lastrico….

I have fear to face that one that is perhaps the truth, but now I wonder as I will succeed to find again my serenity, as I will make to pay all the debits, what I have made badly in order to suffer therefore a lot; why?

I feel myself therefore single, I would want to only be serene, and if my destiny is this, I will face it, I will fight with all my forces in order to obtain what I wish But i my dreams?

Today I become account not to have more dreams….. a love, one family, a son….

This was my beautifulr dream, but someone has torn it from my heart and hour empty solo within and outside me…

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